The Case for More Book Fair Attendees

To be honest, it was only the link from the Fisherman that reminded me that I had actually started classifying the types of people found at the local bookfairs.

As with all ecosystems, the environment of bookfairs is in a constant state of evolution, with the “Survival of the Most Fit” seeing the emergence of new species of bookfair goers. Some of these may thrive as conditions change and may grow to be the dominant bookfair goer; others may find their time in the sun brief and unfulfilling.

Here, then, I will try and add to the growing list of bookfair folk, categorising them for posterity, should any of these curious species sink into the tarpits extinction.

Amateur Attendees

Openbooks

Most people tend to flick through their prizes. Most people check to make sure the book is in good nick, takes ones fancy, and is what one really wants. Most people will take a quick look at the book where they are, and then take a longer look once they have found a quiet spot where they will not disturb anyone. Whereas Openbooks decide that they are going to read their latest potential acquisition then and there, placing the book back down on the piles and spreading their book open so it covers several rows around them. And not only will their book impede the view of other books, but their own physicality impedes the flow of people around them, their immovable @rses blocking the way. Highly irritating, and in need of eradication.

Hangerson

For a few moments in Johnsonville, the spirit of a deceased Hangerson that must have passed away in a bookfair of years past possessed me. Well, either that, or I have some hangerson genes struggling to express themselves – and now coming to the fore. Hangerson are those vultures of the bookfair world, who follow those support staff charged with bringing out fresh book meat to fill the empty spaces left by the rabid bookfair hordes who have picked the stalls clean. Hungry for fresh carrion, these hyenas, who can actually be very nice and polite and even friendly, are nonetheless a fearsome bunch, with a wild-eyed look, circling the tables and ready to pounce on any newly produced book that looks appetising. Deceptively dangerous.

The Volunteers

SausageSizzlers

Not often seen in urban settings, a Sausagesizzler provides much needed sustenance to those who have spent several hours in close personal combat over books. Whether their wares be extravagant, garnished with tomatoes and mustards and onions, or the plain variety of sausage in bread and butter, they are always a pleasant sight – unless they place themselves in the path of the entrance of course.

Girlguides

Girlguides are rarer sights than Sausagesizzlers, though they tend to be seasonal rather than location specific, mainly showing their youthful plumage at the beginning of the bookfair season. They bring with them delectable treats that they are willing to share with all attendees. If you are tempted by their offerings, store them for the bleak winter months.

Miscellaneii

The Miscellaneii are both location and season-specific attendees. They vary in size, shape and intent. Some offer café-quality coffee, others home made brews of varying quality. They should all be treated carefully and with respect, lest they not wander back in later years and fairs. Unless of course, their stuff is rubbish and they are annoying, in which case they should be hounded off with extreme prejudice.