The Case for Voce Populus

Last night, I took part in a phone survey. When I am not dashing out the door, I actually have a soft spot for those questing for the opinions of others and so tend to take the time to complete their structured questionnaire, though I do make a note of the “expected” time it takes to complete the survey and the “actual”.

As terrible as the phone line was (the person conducting the interview sounded like a Kiwi, though Colmar Brunton may be outsourcing their information gathering arm to the rising terminal part of the Philippines), I stuck with it, and was actually surprised when it turned out when it appeared that this survey was one of those political polls. Normally, I just get marketing and petrol companies asking me if Techron sounds more impressive than Yaksurine.

With that realisation, I decided not to hold back and pushed the leftopinkocommo agenda. Well, at first I tried to give more measured response to the economic questions that came my way, but these polls only measure yes and no, not the actual complexity of some of the realities of the issues involved. So, after unsuccessfully giving the questions due consideration, I belted out gut-reaction yes and no responses – and as a fairly cynical person, most of my reactions were quite negative.

One of the most satisfying sensations after completing a survey like this is the almost palpable sense of relief that emanates from the other end of the phone, as the conductor audibly sighs with the satisfaction of another tally mark in a sample size being struck off. And it only ran two minutes over the expected time too, which was a pleasant surprise.

The next step is how these responses will translate into one of the “voices of the people”. The ONE News or TV3 poll may suddenly show: an upswing in support for treason charges to be levelled at Fay Richwhite; the North Island will surrender to the South, and the new national flag will reflect the pre-eminence of the larger land mass; and Daniel Carter will come out of nowhere to be the preferred Prime Minister – imagine how far New Zealand’s plans for global domination would get if the man showed up to international conferences attired only in his well-fitting underwear, with Zoe Bell bringing along added intimidating muscle as a no-nonsense and easily riled Ministress of Defence?

Verdict: While it may be nice to feel like I am contributing a mildly deranged few words to the voice of the people, the real satisfaction from participating in these telephonic surveys is the sense that I have made someone else’s day just that little bit easier. Of course, they will report that New Zealand is on the verge of a communist revolution, but at least it will brighten Alison Mau’s day. 4 warm glows out of 5.

Aside 1: now that I have come to write it, the prospect of a ruling elite composed of sporting and ex pat movie stars has all sorts of fantastical possibilities, and would definitely push minorities into the forefront of New Zealand politics. Feel free to let me know your unqualified cabinet if you are similarly tickled.

Aside 2: after my post about national days, it seems the French are trying to encourage more patriotic fervour now – see the link.