The Case for Percy Potter

The film studios are getting desperate for another Harry Potter-esque franchise. The Golden Compass (seen it), Inkheart (not seen), Stormrider (not seen) and now Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief have all entered the fray. All of these have failed.

I am being a bit judgemental here (of course), as I am projecting my own dislike of the last of these without actually knowing how well it has been received globally. Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief had the hallmarks of something great: I am a huge fan of the Greek gods (and so will have to go to the remake of Clash of the Titans, no matter what); a huge special effects budget; and the adult cast is full of heavy hitters, including one of my faves, Catherine Keener.

Before I take it apart though, it must be said that those with whom I saw the film seemed to enjoy it. The special effects are amazing, there is a dash of humour, and it all moves along at a fairly brisk pace. But even they admitted the story is very environmentally friendly, in a recycled and biodegradable way, whereas I viewed it more along the lines of excrement.

To summarise the setup to the story: about 17 years ago, all the Greek gods moved to the USA, but the move left them with a few hundred itches to scratch, and so a whole heap of demigods were spawned (hence why there appears to be a Hogwarts Academy full of them all around the same age). Then Zeus had a bad hair day and decreed that, while frolicking with humans was fine, spending quality time with the issue of these liaisons was not, and so forbade the gods from seeing their offspring. Poseidon’s progeny, Percy, is thus raised more sheltered than most but, when Zeus misplaces his lightning bolt one day, Percy gets blamed for the missing missile, and so his life becomes imperilled by those trying to take it from him, and the world becomes imperilled because…. well, because Zeus is having another bad hair day. From these humble beginnings, an adventure story as derivative and poorly acted as Eragon is regurgitated.

Harry Potter gets away with a lot of rubbish by having a sense of wonder and also some great relationships between the lead children, as well as fantastic actors in the adult roles. Percy Jackson does have some great adult casting, but it is lumbered with teenagers with zero chemistry who are burdened with atrocious direlogue and abundant stupidity. In a rarely seen display of thesping, love interest Annabeth receives Percy’s “let’s split up” suggestion with all the awe as if she was receiving the revelation of Christ.

There are some moments of brilliance: the casting (and costuming) of Hades is pure genius (I won’t spoil who and how here), though Roxanne Dawson’s skanky Persephone seems to have shopped for her outfit in Sin City; Catherine Keener is always a delight to watch, though I got the impression she may have preferred being banished to the hellish realm of the god of the underworld than return to the main action of the film; and Olympus is populated by a whole raft of slim and attractive (and quite tall) gods, like Sean Bean, speaking received pronunciation English to each other and talking about “irrevocable decisions” they could actually undo at any time – as they should.

But I was almost in physical pain whenever Percy and his chums decided to converse and attempt to emote with each other. It’s like watching a school play written by the school kids themselves after they have done a crash course in Greek legends, though this production has the magical powers of ILM at its disposal. Cannon fodder materialises and then is quickly dispensed with for minimal effect; popular music with lyrics that match snatches of the script is played loudly and then removed a few seconds later; and knowledge of Greek legend is haphazardly remembered by the cast when convenient to the plot. It’s a Frankenstein monster of formulaic and familiar pieces mushed together with bright lights and action sequences and then given life, only for the whole to add up to less than the sum of its parts.

So yes, no, it was not my cuppa. It was impressive on the big screen and all that, but hopefully Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief will be the last outing Percy Jackson will get. So of course, this means that there will probably be 5 sequels in the works…

Verdict: The awe and wonder of the legends of the Greek gods is given new and unholy life in Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief. The computer-generated size difference between the godly adults and their offspring is representative of the acting gulf between the two groups, and the film unfortunately sticks with the smaller. 4 heads of a hydra out of 10.