The Case for Earth Ever After

After Earth, the latest Will Smith movie, came with a lot of warnings, mostly to do with it being not that good and that it has overt Scientology references.  But I am a sucker for Science Fiction flicks (mostly) and so went along anyway.

As I can't claim to be well versed in the tenets of Scientology, I didn't really pick up on the emotionless bit and the stuff about volcanoes, but I could pick up on the "bad" bits that mainly revolve around Smith's son, Jaden.

He is the "hero" of the film and while he has been a leading man before in films I haven't really seen, he mostly fails to provide an interesting character for the audience to invest in.  He is, for lack of a better term, irritating, all whines and deaf to sense even when, one assumes, his reactions run counter to his basic junior ranger training that he was apparently so obsessed with.  So he ends up as another lead character that I actually want to die - I end up rooting for all the beasties trying to track him down.

But then, the ads for the film give a false impression of where the dangers lie.  Smith's serious tones indicate that Earth's biosphere has "evolved" to hate and kill humans, but the biggest animal danger is the one that these travellers from another planet bring with them, everything else either oblivious to them, treating them like any other creature, or else getting aggressive only when provoked.

The story itself is utter rubbish: mankind has fled a dying Earth to another planet where another alien race (who is never encountered or mentioned outside back story) didn't want them to be and so these aliens created a blind and deaf creature that tracks humans by smelling their fear.  A thousand years later, Smith and son are on a transport taking one of these beasties to another planet for training purposes (why the humans don't move to that planet and leave the beasties behind is never really explained) when the ship, for  no real reason, flies to close to an asteroid field and makes an emergency crash landing on Earth.  The two survivors need to find a beacon to save them, while avoiding the dangers - mainly the danger they brought with them.

The creature is a terrible creation on so many levels, its irritating to list them.  But on the bright side, I did find the idea of the humans' organic/hemp based technology quite interesting.  Smart fabric seems to be used for everything, and in clothing can change colour to match the conditions outside, though the fabric seems smart enough to detect danger that no human sense can, and while it will turn white in snow it won't actually provide any more warmth.

Considering how many things are wrong with this film, its probably fairer to lay blame with the director, the disappointing M Night Shyamalan, whose name has been stripped from almost every poster.  After a strong start with the Sixth Sense, Shyamalan's films have been fairly underwhelming - not awful, just uninteresting.  And his After Earth is definitely not a return to form.

For all that is wrong with it, the film kept me in my seat and didn't offend my cinematic sensibilities too much, even if I was rooting for the Ursa creature to rip off the hero's head.  The nonsensicality comes so thick and fast at the start that the rest of the film almost seems to make sense (the eagle... please...), and if people next to you speak Japanese for almost the entire film, you will find  (much like I did) you won't really mind too much.

Verdict: There was no reason for this to be about revisiting Earth AT ALL as the fact they are on a "future wild" Earth is almost completely irrelevant, but After Earth is a less than okay film that really should be marketed as a kiddie flick.  There is no real reason to see it on the big screen (none of the effects are that special), and even on the small screen, its viewability is questionable.  Perhaps on a long haul flight... 4 after dinner mints out of 10.

The Case for Fantastic 6

It has proven a durable franchise, the Fast and the Furious films.  But then, perhaps that is not surprising: take ridiculously macho guys and trophy women, throw in some insanely pimped out cars, drive them very quickly and dangerously, add in quite a few guns and lots of bad boy behaviour (they are bad, but with a sense of duty and honour that puts them above the law), and you have the perfect macho nonsense film.

The franchise has also got better with the addition of the Rock, Dwayne Johnson, more pumped and pimped up than any of the cars on display, but allowing himself to be gently mocked, though only in a way that enhances his esteem as a large, well oiled bad a$$.  

I went to the sixth instalment after enjoying (for completely brainless reasons) the last flick, and this time I experienced in its natural home: in an Upper Hutt theatre surrounded by boy racers and an audience who found the “we’ll show you who is cool”, one upmanship attempts at humour rather amusing, though, if you think about them, they are actually rather racist (if you can consider making all Englishman stupid snobs worthy of taking down a peg or two a cultural stereotype).

The film itself is… well, nonsense.  It’s main aim is to show the authorities (in the man mountain form of a spectacularly ripped Rock, perpetually pumped and going for maximum macho) how wrong they were and that the band of car enthusiasts from the last film are a force for good, bound together by a love of family and loyalty to each other and, as already mentioned, their own strict code.

Except when it comes to women.  Sure, there are a few tough females in there, but the reappearance of Michelle Rodriguez as Vin Diesel’s old flame (her absence explained by amnesia) shows how token the females really are.  There is a girl fight scene or two, a tough girl seduction or two as well, and then they are disposed of one way or another.

Meanwhile, the guys are all stereotypes too.  Vin Diesel is tough and manly, his own impressive physique nowhere near as huge as the Rock’s, but then, he isn’t “trying” to be cool – he just is (or so the story says).  Paul Walker’s character (do the names matter?) is almost superfluous to this story, so he gets to go to prison for a bit to confront some rather boring demons and then come back to drive a car.  There are a couple of black characters, an Asian one as well, and their characters could be seen as insultingly stereotypical too, if they weren’t portrayed as “cool”.  

The baddies actually come off a lot better, seeming competent, professional and well-disciplined, even if they are doomed to fail/die.  Their nefarious plan is to steal components to a weapon that can do untold damage to computers.  They are driving experts so of course to protect these components everything is shipped by… road.  Air and sea would probably be too hard, I suppose.  They are always one step ahead of the goodies, but only just, and they have connections to Russian military planes and the longest runway in the world (running at least as long as Italy) to assist them in their evil plot.

The car action pieces are spectacular, it has to be said.  It’s nice when there is no (or very little) CGI to get in the way of a good car chase and explosion or seven.  Pedestrians (well, innocent ones) never get in the way of the vehicles as they tear around the inner city streets, though other cars are not always so fortunate. 

The storyline and dialogue are nowhere near as well choreographed, but then, all they really do is set up the car chase sequences, get the Rock to physically impose himself over the local authorities, and show what a strong moral code the gang of crooks lives by.  And there are the odd weak/cheap jokes thrown in as well, and while Walker and Johnson are mocked for their looks (model and baby oiled “Samoan Thor” respectively), theirs are back handed compliment types of jests that obviously met with their approval before the final script (such as it is) was completed. 

All in all then, the film is utter bollocks, but it never made any pretentions that it would be otherwise.  I was a little surprised by how poorly treated the female characters were (accepting whatever crumbs their macho male counterparts sprinkled their way with a subservient smile on their toned and tanned bodies), but perhaps that was more an assumption on my part than a promise broken by the film itself.  And then the film ended with a teaser for the next film in the franchise.  And you know what?  I may have to go to that one too.
Verdict: Fast and Furious 6 is big, dumb action, and it loves itself for it.  I think critics would label this kind of fun “pure escapism” and it is, if you are of the petrol head or action junkie persuasion.  The film doesn’t stand close scrutiny, but if you intend to scrutinise a film like this, you wouldn’t go in the first place.  Enjoy the action sequences for what they are, and try and grimace your way through the “linking”/”acting” scenes as best you can.  6 Mr Furiouses out of 10.

The Case for Tencious 2

I went to Tenacious D in concert a couple of weeks ago, having last seen them 10 years ago.  After about an hour's warm up acts (an okay comedian, followed by an incredible one man band called Sasquatch dressed up as, well, a Sasquatch), the dynamic duo came out about 9.30pm and started belting out their acoustic hits.  Jack Black is an incredible vocalist, and their incredible skills on the guitar were impressive as well, though they stuck rigidly to their routine and, while amusing and entertaining, completely ignored any heckling or comments from the audience which I found surprising.  At one stage, someone threw a pink pair of bloomers up on stage and some females in the audience urged the duo to pick the pair up, a recommendation which they assiduously ignored.  That didn't stop the encouragement though, which got really irritating after a while - eventually, some other audience members scowled and shot "just give up" daggers at them.

Also amusing/irritating was one guy who was so into the music he was standing up and clapping away the whole time.  As we weren't sitting behind him, it wasn't a huge problem for us, but it can't have been thrilled for those on the other side of the Opera.  He kept turning towards the back and encouraging people to clap and got really into the songs, though after a little while it looked like he was more interested in being the centre of attention than of letting people see the band.  Eventually, those next to him seemed to abandon him before the end, about 6 empty seats visible beside him that were not vacant at the start of the show.

The funniest audience member (well, up in the gods with us; some people tried to rush the stage keeping the guards busy, though I only saw one of them, inferring there were others by the way people in front of us kept standing up to take a look) was in the row in front of us who was flanked by his parents.  It looked like his Dad had introduced this young lad to this music, with both of them pretty into it, while the Mum sat on the other side a little bewildered when all the swearing and references to the act were made.  However, when the boy (well, young man) went away during a song about moving home to live with the parents to pursue an artisitic dream, the Mum and Dad exchanged meaningful looks which cracked both Maria and myself up.  I needed a little distraction as there was a guy in between the guys and me who had big hair, and so who obscured my view most of the show, though he either didn't like the act or was feeling queasy as he went away regularly and missed the final song and "encore" round altogether, which suited me.  Though I was impressed by his do.


Verdict: Tenacious D provided an incredible performance, full of energy and enthusiasm, and were completely professional throughout.  It seems a bit mean then to say that their lack of interaction with the audience made the concert a little... flat, but that is a very minor gripe.  Tenacious to the D.  4 picks of destiny out of 5.

The Case for Dark Stars

As Off-Black put it, Star Trek: Into Darkness is Star Trek 2.2.

Not that this is a bad thing.  There are lots of nods to things that happen in that camp classic (large torpedoes, threats to Galactic peace, a Marcus romance), but the story is quite different and the whole tone is less sit and talk and more action.

This is not a surprise considering J J Abrahms last Star Trek outing.  That was all running and leaping and lens flares:


And Star Trek: Into Darkness is pretty much the same thing, eschewing sense (Trans-galactic transporters?  When travelling at warp, how far away is Earth from the Klingon homeworld again?  And what Klingon fleet threatens the Federation, considering there are apparently no battlecruisers in or near Empire space at all?) for a chance to have things explode and people beat each other to a pulp.

It helps to have a great cast distracting the audience from the nonsense to concentrate on the spectacle.  Chris Pine is still fine as Kirk, but as the film progresses, it becomes Zachary Quinto’s Spock’s show, and that is not a bad thing at all.  The secondary characters get given a little more than the original Uhura, Sulu and Checkov would have had, and Karl Urban continues his amazing DeForest Kelly impression as McCoy, though Simon Pegg’s comic relief Scotty is the real winner as his role is bumped up dramatically.  

Joining the cast is Benedict Cumberbatch, all steely cold blue eyes and menacing angular features as the main villain, Peter Weller as the badest cop in the Starfleet Admiralty, and the incredible curves of Alice Eve as a young weapons specialist who of course has to get her blue miniskirt off to saunter around in minimal black underwear for reasons entirely critical to the plot (I think).

Also back is the Enterprise, all retro chrome 1960s American car on the outside, and looking for the most part like a very sterile TARDIS (where do they fit all those big empty spaces in that little hull?) with terrible lighting (the flares, the flares!) within.  It gets hammered a lot in this film, with pieces blowing up left right and centre though magically avoiding the bridge area, though it could just be that there was damage and I just couldn’t see it due to the poor illumination.  

A brief plot summary then: a terrorist blows up a few Federation facilities, flees to Klingon space (for no rational reason, from his perspective anyway), is captured by Kirk and his crew – and then the plot thickens and lots of things go boom, or get blown out into space.  There seemed to be a few moments inspired from Blade Runner tossed in amongst the mix of “new spin” plot and some scenes that are played almost word for word from the original Trek timeline.  And through it all, the pace doesn’t let up, nor does the action, and nor do the lens flares.

It’s hard to be too picky with this Star Trek as it is just so much fun.  In my head, I have managed to separate this version from the original timeline, seeing it more as a fan fiction Trek and a very accessible one at that.  Not “real” Trek as such, just an interesting and amusing attempt to sexy things up a bit – and judging by the way people are going to this film, it appears to be working.

So it’s a big, no brain actioner film, with barely a moment to pause for breath.  It seems a little sad when Kirk is quietly shunted aside for Spock (Pine is a good boyish Kirk, but I wasn’t convinced by his attempts at depth), but it also seems quite logical too.  Not logical is quite why, as the film nears resolution, one person’s blood becomes so critical when there are over 70 other specimens with similar blood that are much more easily accessible, but the needs of the many (the audience) outweigh the needs of the few (critical thinkers).  And the many, I think, will like this film.

Verdict: Star Trek: Into Darkness is just like the first rebooted Star Trek movie, but more so.  The cast are all around likeable (even Scotty, this time around) and the fact none of it makes any real sense doesn’t get in the way (too much) of the film being a rip roaring good time.  I couldn’t watch it as “real Trek” and be satisfied, but from an action space adventure, it pushes all the right buttons.  8.5 lens flares out of 10.

The Case for a Third Iron

Any Iron Man film will have to be awesome if it contains one important thing: Robert Downey Junior.

Iron Man 2 might have been a bit flatter than the first outing, but it was still pretty good.  However, the third Iron Man film is a bounce back to the awesome form of the first, with a decent story backing up Downey’s incredible super powers.

Of course, there is a pretty great cast involved in side kick roles.  Gwenyth Paltrow brings her braid and a-grade steel abdominals and gets a bit more action this time around as Tony Stark’s feisty EA turned girlfriend Pepper Potts, while the baddie boots are filled by the incredible talents of Ben Kingsley (not channelling Gandhi as the menacing Mandarin) and in the big business baddie corner is Guy Pearce, covered in tattoos once again and ready to get his hands dirty.

Back to the story though: Stark is a bit frazzled after his experience with the Avengers (in the awesome Avengers movie, and it’s great that they reference that several times, bringing quite a human perspective to some of the more godlike beings and events that transpired in that film) and so has taken to tinkering, leaving Potts to run the business. 

Soon enough though, a bad guy (the Mandarin) comes to the fore, taking credit for explosions across the US, including one that injures Stark’s ex-bodyguard (Jon Favreau).  This brings Stark out of his shell to try and deal with the threat, bringing him head to head with the Mandarin’s forces while continuing to battle his own internal demons.  

There’s humour and depth and an annoying kid (really, did he have to be that annoying?) and the destruction of a collector’s edition Dora the Explorer watch that never gets replaced (honestly!) and lots of things explode and go bang, including people.  Through it all, Downey is the hypnotic centre, keeping the interest up through thrills, spills and the quiet times in between.

The final fight does border on the ridiculous, and unfortunately it is on the ridiculous side of that border.  I was totally confused as to what level or act of violence could actually kill the enemies, as some seemed to go down relatively simply whilst others seemed to shrug off extremely large explosions.  

However, despite that pugilistic preposterousness, the ending is unbelievably satisfying, moving the story and characters forward, though quite what it means for the next Avengers film I am not entirely sure.  Even the “after the credits” scene, which few of the audience in my screening waited to see, didn’t really give anything away about what Avengers 2 might be about, or the role of Iron Man in it.  It was really funny though and I thought worth the five minute wait through the credits.

Verdict: Iron Man 3 is another great film in the series, Robert Downey Junior making the egotistical super genius Tony Stark incredibly likeable, with lashes of humour and a pinch of vulnerability under the armour.  Supported by a great cast as friends and enemies, and with lots of mostly great effects (by Weta, unsurprisingly), the film is all around fun and totally worth seeing on the big screen.  8.5 Iron Fists out of 10.

The Case for Painful Gain

Seeing a Dwayne Johnson / Rock film is always a guilty pleasure.  There is no guarantee that the film will be particularly good, but it will contain a bit of action and some comedy that may or may not be intentional.  Seeing a Mark Wahlberg film is the same kind of deal.

So seeing Pain and Gain, featuring both of these men pumped up to the max as gym junkies, was a completely unknown quantity, assisted by previews that made the film look like an action flick, a comedy film and something a bit serious.

And this may have something to do with the subject matter, as the story itself is based on true life events, but some of the goings on are so extraordinary that one can't help but laugh at them.  It's just a shame that the film doesn't really know how to portray the drama and the comedy as a coherent whole.

Wahlberg plays Daniel Lugo, a personal trainer with big dreams who spots a fast way to riches and enlists the aid of fellow trainer Adrian Doorbal (Anthony Mackie) and seriously huge and ultra religious and none too bright Paul Doyle (Johnson).  Its easy to see why these characters appealed to the actors - they get the chance to get ripped and have a comedic storyline, but as mentioned, the directing kind of lets the whole idea down with very slow pacing and an uneven tone, with some comedy thrown into some scenes where things are meant to be serious and vice versa.  The characters themselves also don't seem terribly well thought out, with Doyle's religious bent played up incredibly at some stages but kind of ignored when there is no comedic value.

Overall though, the film is okay, saved in part by some fantastic supporting performances from Rebel Wilson (now, she knows comic timing!), Tony Shalhoub and Ed Harris.  Meanwhile, the main guys go through the motions and seem to have an absolute ball, working out and playing in expensive toys and joking around, but only a part of that fun translates to chemistry on screen, no matter how many performance enhancing drugs the characters might be taking.

Verdict:  Pain and Gain is a film that must have been a blast to make, but is less exciting to watch,  Still, it has a mix of comedy and reality that makes the film interesting, and all the actors make a good go of it, but something in the editing or directing just lets it down a little, making it less than the some of its parts.  6 repetitions out of 10.

The Case for Obliviati

I am a sucker for a film that has a science fiction bent and looks like it has pretty decent special effects.  Why else go to something like John Carter?

Oblivion, the latest Tom Cruise flick, is a film that looks good and throws quite a few twists and turns as the story progresses.  The moon has been devastated and the Earth pulverised, and Jack (Cruise) and his partner Victoria (Andrea Riseborough) are guardians left behind to ensure that the resources of Earth are shipped to humanity’s new home on Titan.  Their main concerns are malfunctioning sentinel robots and remnants of the enemy alien army, continually trying to stop them from achieving their goal.

And… that’s about all I can say, really!  From that interesting if bleak beginning, things go awry, then wrong, then right, then hopeless, then back to hopeful and right again (though I may have missed a few of the twists and turns in my summation).  Along the way, Jack encounters Sally (Melissa Leo), Julia (Olga Kurylenko), Morgan Freeman (Morgan Freeman) and Jamie Lannister (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) and a whole heap of loud, heavily armed metal spheres.

It’s actually a really small cast for the film, and there aren’t many lines given to people other than Jack.  Jack is very American pie, with his love for things from the Earth of old, and Cruise plays up that schmaltz to an almost irritating degree.  It’s somewhat of a relief when the bullets start flying and things go crazy, though there is still a lot of sentimentality that rears its unwelcome head along the way, bogging the film down until the action comes along to cleanse it away.  

Yes, the film is a bit on the slow side.  I imagine the drawn out moments are designed to add to the atmosphere and the pathos of the moment, but they seemed unnecessary to me, extending what should have been a brisk 90 minute film into something nearer two hours for very little reason.  

Some of the twists can be seen a mile away (well, not to everyone in the audience, as some overloud gasps indicated), though there are plenty of others that keep things interesting.  Besides the fact I ended up rooting for the aliens at one point (humans can be so DUMB sometimes, and rightfully deserve a bit of extermination!), and the unhurried pace of things, Oblivion is quite enjoyable.  Perhaps not quite up to Minority Report levels on the Cruise-o-meter, but not too far off it either.

Verdict:  Oblivion doesn’t hurry to tell its tale, but it tells it well, with some beautiful cinematography and an incredible performance from Andrea Riseborough.  While not an incredible film, Oblivion is definitely better than some.  2 out of 3 Tetrahedrons.