For those who remember the 90s Arnie classic, the remake of Total Recall makes a few nods to the original. All the familiar names are back, and Colin Farrell, as Quaid, has been working out a bit to get a buff bod and wear the Arnie collarless shirt with pride. Some of the classic scenes are also back, altered slightly to mix things up a little, though I was disappointed that only one arm was severed, and that the arm of a robot.
Because, as much as nods are made to the previous movie, the audience seemed to be largely ignored. The set up itself is strange. We swoop down on the planet, dwelling over North America for about a minute, before being told that there are actually now only two places inhabitable on the planet: a place called the Colony, that might once have been Australia but, in some untold (and probably more interesting) story, was invaded by the US and every single person with an Antipodean accent was exterminated, the economy turned to use US currency, and then came an influx of people from the rest of the now uninhabited world. For some reason, the American overlords renamed the place "Colony", which really does not instill a sense of independence, but then, some people seek to rectify that.
On the other side of the planet is the only other inhabitable place left, part of London. And I say part of London, as it seems that, if walk down a few streets (or take a very American subway looking Underground train) you end up somewhere completely antithetical to life, which seems to lie somewhere in the East End (perhaps a commentary on London today?). These two liveable zones are connected by a lift that travels through the core of the planet (quickly, we are told, though there seems to be no effect on gravity except when reaching the very centre of Earth); and even though London appears to be tiny, have no access to resources, and have a labour shortage, it is still economically the dominant force (though quite what Colony's "colony" status means is never fully explained).
So, for a start, I never really bought the set up. And then things actually happened. Like Farrell frowning. A lot. And running, a lot more. He has two gorgeous women in his life: Jessica Biel and Kate Beckingsdale. And he finds himself caught between two political forces, the Chancellor played by Bryan Cranston, and the leader of the resistance played by Bill Nighy. All of the characters these people play are American (well, at least for some of the time). Why?
There are lots of "why" moments in there, unfortunately. The action sequences are pretty well staged, but I kept asking myself "isn't this from I, Robot?" and "wasn't that in Minority Report?" and "this looks a lot like Blade Runner, doesn't it?" The introduction of robots to the storyline may be in keeping with the source novel (I couldn't say to be sure), but it seems to be used as a way to increase the "bodycount" while not actually killing anyone - as in the aforementioned disarming scene. While the human on human fights are incredibly well choreographed, Farrell is constantly "surprised" to find himself an ace fighting machine, and its a discovery that isn't amusing the first time.
The Arnie version was not the best movie ever made, but it was amusing. It didn't have the scale of the remake, but it had Mars and Michael Ironside. It didn't have a very angry Beckingsdale, but it had a bad arse Sharon Stone. And the original had a heart, whereas at the centre of the remake of Total Recall seems a strange attempt at gravity, and a disregard for anything that mike make sense.
Verdict: I will say this for the new Total Recall: it is an impressive movie to see on the big screen. In almost every other respect, it is wet, rainy and a bit depressed. The cast all look good, but they also seem to want to be elsewhere, Farrell at the gym, Beckingsdale fighting lychans, and Cranston making drugs. And, at the end of the movie, I was wondering if there was some magic machine that show me a more exciting time than this film did. 5 missing lives out of 10.
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