The Case for Hunting Snow

Having seen the light froth of Julia Roberts' Mirror Mirror on the plane, I was expecting something a bit darker and more meaty from Charlize Theron's Snow White and the Huntsman. The preview promised dark, sinister powers combating magical creatures as a land battered by a dark ruler rises up against her.


What I ended up combating was instead a lot of boredom. The mighty Chris Hemsworth as the Huntsman put aside his Thor hammer for an axe, but mainly wields the opening narration like a lethal scythe, cutting down anything resembling interest or pacing. He is not helped by a director who, too, does not really build any tension but instead just wallows in the black forest for what seems like hours while nothing really happens anywhere else.

But Hemsworth is actually fine in his manly, roguish role; it's up to Kristen Stewart to provide the black hole vortex of charisma into which the film is gradually sucked. She is perpetually pained, while the supporting characters are required again and again to provide some rational reason why anyone would think she was more attractive that Theron and a more inspirational figure than the family who has fought the evil queen for decades, as it is completely lost on anyone else.


Then there is the very Christian element added to the side of good which is completely at odds with the very pagan (and ineffectual) forces which rally behind Snow White in her struggle. At least the queen is meant to be an evil witch; Snow White appears to gain support from the pixies and fairies though ultimately they play no part whatsoever in the final confrontation or in providing anything useful whatsoever, though perhaps they helped line the wallets of a few CGI specialists.


And the love story... well, something really strange comes out of that (and here is a warning of an upcoming spoiler). I think there is meant to be a love triangle brewing in a very Twilight way, but the Huntsman's love for White seems be based on nothing (except perhaps a bit of lust?) and his heartfelt outpouring of devotion seems more about his wife than White herself; whereas the Duke's son William (the very pretty and underused Sam Claflin) has been enamoured with White from when they were little but yet his pure and very singular love is not deemed worthy of being "true" enough to waken White from her slumber.

Thank heaven Theron is there to as the wicked queen Ravenna to, if not save the day, at least brighten things up. She writhes and pouts and screams and complains like a real diva, special effects and an almost incestuous Game of Thrones-like brother swirling about her but paling beside her presence. Come the final showdown, I was completely rooting for her to take down the presumptuous little wench who tried to usurp the crown the queen had won through hard work and not a little bit of duplicity. 


But no: the ending to the story is the ending, though even that was stretched and painful, with (another spoiler) the Huntsman's dirt-laden bad boy presence amongst the rich red capes and shining armour of the court a completely groan worthy moment, though, on the bright side, there was only a minute of the film left after that.


Verdict: I was completely not the target audience for Snow White and Huntsman despite what I consider a fairly decent cast (for the most part). Failing on almost every level (pace, energy, interest) and full of terrible dire-logue and the most appalling story telling style, I was bitterly disappointed that I had made the effort to go and see it at the cinema. 2 rotten apples out of 10 - for Theron and Hemsworth alone.