Did you like Transformers 2?
It's a pretty good indication that, if you liked that movie, then you will love Battleship. Actually, I would go as far to say that Battleship is actually better than that Transfomers movie, but I hesitate to do so because of one little detail: the movie is rubbish.
Transformers was too, of course. It had: a sultry, fake tanned and skimpily clad siren draped seductively over a hard piece of machinery; big mechanical monstrosities that make huge amount of noise and move in the most impractical and almost illogical ways; and a cast of 1 and 2 dimensional human characters that almost got in the way of the plot and occasionally said things that were meant to be profound. I think there was meant to be a love story and some attempt at emotional depth as well.
And Battleship has all of that. Super hot Brooklyn Decker in her Baywatch outfit hovering over the trembling form of Taylor Kitsch who had all the red blooded males in the room pulling their hair out to be in his position; aliens and their unearthly machines that were incredibly technologically advanced in many areas but they had yet to discover gloves; and Rhianna, Alexander Skarsgård, and the highly irritating fake American accent of Liam Neeson in flimsy supporting roles.
And on the plus side, it had more fighting, and more explosions. Lots more explosions.
It's a pretty good indication that, if you liked that movie, then you will love Battleship. Actually, I would go as far to say that Battleship is actually better than that Transfomers movie, but I hesitate to do so because of one little detail: the movie is rubbish.
Transformers was too, of course. It had: a sultry, fake tanned and skimpily clad siren draped seductively over a hard piece of machinery; big mechanical monstrosities that make huge amount of noise and move in the most impractical and almost illogical ways; and a cast of 1 and 2 dimensional human characters that almost got in the way of the plot and occasionally said things that were meant to be profound. I think there was meant to be a love story and some attempt at emotional depth as well.
And Battleship has all of that. Super hot Brooklyn Decker in her Baywatch outfit hovering over the trembling form of Taylor Kitsch who had all the red blooded males in the room pulling their hair out to be in his position; aliens and their unearthly machines that were incredibly technologically advanced in many areas but they had yet to discover gloves; and Rhianna, Alexander Skarsgård, and the highly irritating fake American accent of Liam Neeson in flimsy supporting roles.
And on the plus side, it had more fighting, and more explosions. Lots more explosions.
We saw the movie in the Titan XC cinema of Readings, and while it was probably not worth the extra cost, the 7.1 surround sound certainly put us in the thick of the missiles and explosions and all sorts of nastiness that the film threw at us.
Around the highly enjoyable fighting comes the love story (yawn), the rebel makes good story (yawn), the not good enough to marry my daughter story (super yawn), the death of important friend-slash-family member story (yawn, wait WOW, oh damn, back to yawn), while all through it the nerds are very nerdy and the heroes are very heroic.
Without giving too much away, the way the board game upon which this film is based is worked in is actually quite well done (well, unless you stop to think about it, in which case it is actually really stupid); and the final Battleship scene is booms galore though, again, how it all comes about and what they actually do makes no sense and is a whole wheel of cheese. But somehow, the two plus hours running time does not seem to drag.
So it's a pretty hard film to classify in that there is no disputing the movie itself, in terms of storyline and characters and logic and a whole lot of other measures of taste (though they are keen to keep the G-rating so all swearing is cut after the first consonant), is terrible. But it is a lot of fun, keeps the cast relatively small and caters to all tastes in what ones considers the "good looking", and, as mentioned several times before, has lots of things blowing up. And that's got to count for something. I am just not quite sure what.
Verdict: Battleship is as bad as they say and also one of those films that, when seen big and loud, almost has to be enjoyed. I will give it 6 cannons out of 10, but if you want a mindless action flick and have zero expectations, then make sure to go and enjoy.
Around the highly enjoyable fighting comes the love story (yawn), the rebel makes good story (yawn), the not good enough to marry my daughter story (super yawn), the death of important friend-slash-family member story (yawn, wait WOW, oh damn, back to yawn), while all through it the nerds are very nerdy and the heroes are very heroic.
Without giving too much away, the way the board game upon which this film is based is worked in is actually quite well done (well, unless you stop to think about it, in which case it is actually really stupid); and the final Battleship scene is booms galore though, again, how it all comes about and what they actually do makes no sense and is a whole wheel of cheese. But somehow, the two plus hours running time does not seem to drag.
So it's a pretty hard film to classify in that there is no disputing the movie itself, in terms of storyline and characters and logic and a whole lot of other measures of taste (though they are keen to keep the G-rating so all swearing is cut after the first consonant), is terrible. But it is a lot of fun, keeps the cast relatively small and caters to all tastes in what ones considers the "good looking", and, as mentioned several times before, has lots of things blowing up. And that's got to count for something. I am just not quite sure what.
Verdict: Battleship is as bad as they say and also one of those films that, when seen big and loud, almost has to be enjoyed. I will give it 6 cannons out of 10, but if you want a mindless action flick and have zero expectations, then make sure to go and enjoy.
2 comments:
is it wrong that i laughed almost throughout the entire movie? one of the funniest movies i've seen for a while. and i did find that i didn't check my watch once during the whole screening as it was action aplenty. i did like how the ships were the same shape as the ones in the game. i also liked how the radar thingy made the same pinging sound as computer battleships made. and last but not least i did like how the alien missiles were the same shape as the game pieces.
i chose to ignore the terrible plot holes and the whole cheesy americans save the world aspect. it was a fun film.
I never noticed the whole missile/piece connection - I can be totally oblivious sometimes...
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