The Case for Suckers

I have already been beaten to the punch, as it were, in reviewing Sucker Punch, the new girl power flick from the makers of such films as 300.

Going in, having seen the ads and with the aforementioned lineage, I expected frenetic action and lots of bone crunching martial arts by some pretty young women in skimpy skirts in what I imagine comes from the brain of a fevered Japanese manga graphic artist. And there was a bit of this, to be sure.


Babydoll is sent to a mental asylum, where she dreams of escape. In this movie, those dreams are an integral part of how she actually plans to quit the institution, her fantastical landscape providing her with the motivation to achieve several tasks to achieve those ends, and she enlists the aid of a few other pretty young things with promises of an escape for them all.

So far, so action-y. A sound track featuring "Sweet Dreams" by the Eurythmics (though not actually performed by them) and the always awesome (and odd) Bjork add to the potential coolness factor. But then, very early on, something happened that made me a bit wary. And as the movie progressed, my apprehension grew, to be replaced by distaste, which finally became mortification when I realised that this was actually integral to the film. The action that turned into a cardinal sin? Talk.

People talk. A lot. About the plot. About their fears. About their inadequacies. About protecting each other. About not needing to be protected. About how awesome they are. About how unawesome others are. About what needs to be done. About what shouldn't be done. And they don't stop just... talking. But the worst thing is: it's all complete bollocks. The talk is not funny, nor is it interesting, nor is it character building, nor is it even necessary to the plot. At times it aims for semi-seriousness, philosophical resonance, perhaps even a "wheel of morality" lesson or two. But it fails. Every time. But it doesn't stop.

Well, not often. The action sequences are huge and insane, set to rock music at ear-bleeding volume levels (thanks Reading - the opening "Experience the Difference" fly by seemed almost tame in comparison). But they are spread far and wide between what seems like hours of non stop drivel and unengaging story telling. In the end, having the soundtrack blast out my eardrums was a relief as it meant I might be deafened from listening to the dire-logue that was bound to follow.

As I was expecting an action film, this was huge disappointment. As a huge Jena Malone fan, the only redeeming feature about her performance was that she seemed to be the best actor in the whole film. Hopefully it will raise her profile amongst teenage boys everywhere. But the other guys with whom I attended the session seemed unimpressed also, though they were probably on the more forgiving side of a scale of "slap on wrist" to "firing squad".

Verdict: I am not entirely sure what Sucker Punch was trying to be, but if it was aiming to be an entertaining movie, it completely missed the mark. Or perhaps it was aiming past me to the young teenage male audience, of which I am definitely no longer a part. 2 right hooks and a swift kick to the groin (and ears) out of 10.