The Case for Cinema Italiano

I was a bit wary of going to Nine, but then there were a few reasons to give it a whirl:

1) (and most important) someone else invited me
2) The screening was at the Embassy
3) It was cheapskate Tuesday night, and we got leather seats as well
4) Sophia Loren
5) Judi Dench
6) Marion Cotillard
7) Italian locations
8) Italian cars from the 1960s
9) Italian fashion from the 1960s

And now, to give the reasons why the film was a real disappointment.

Oddly enough, the main complaint I had about it all was how dull it was. The songs are really quite bland, with only Fergie’s vocal power lifting “Be Italian” above all the fairly forgettable rest (though more on “Cinema Italiano” soon), and the story itself is fairly minimalist, about a cinematic writer/director (Daniel Day Lewis) searching for inspiration for his latest production from the nine “muses” in his life.

I can’t blame the actors for it all: Day Lewis may be annoying as Guido, but I think he is supposed to be; and Judi Dench and Penelope Cruz make even breathing interesting, so it’s not their fault. Acting wise, the real star is Marion Cotillard, who shines above even these incredible actors in her role as Guido’s wife, and she sings very well too.

The real blame I lay at the feet (oddly enough) of the director. For a film about the making of a movie, Nine sticks squarely to its stage roots, which is a huge shame considering what could have been done with some of the musical numbers. Only “Cinema Italiano”, sung with a huge amount of energy by Kate Hudson, uses the medium to any real effect. Nicole Kidman acts “cold elegance”, as I am sure she was supposed to, and so once again lacks real spark (she had it once in To Die For, I am sure, and a bit in Dogville too).

And then there is poor Sophia Loren, who is not given a lot to do, and whenever she does appear on screen, she is shot from such unflattering angles as to look like a female Frankenstein monster, all wrinkled lines and snarling lips. It’s a wonder the kids around her don’t run away in terror rather than to her for maternal comfort. Her final scene, staring down over a balcony, makes her look more like a vindictive harpy from the upcoming Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief than an image of parental approval.

I think this kind of inattention and lack of flair in a film tends to draw the cliché that it is “by the numbers”, ironic possibly given the film’s title. But then, I was probably not in the target audience, considering we also got an almost offensive trailer for Sex and the City 2 that made the first film seem like the work of Proust. The film not aiming for my demographic bulls-eye was further confirmed when a woman next to me found almost every utterance extraordinarily amusing and chortled her way through almost every non-sad scene with a mixture of snorts and guffaws that had me about to reach for an Italian stiletto shoe upon which to impale her. However, she was still alive by the end of the film though, as my mind, in an act of self preservation, slipped into a mild catatonic state at one point until Marion Cotillard showed up to revive me once more.

Verdict: The flaws in the original stage musical of Nine may have been obscured by an incredible cast, but they are still there just beneath the surface, and indeed exacerbated with a lack of cinematic style. Disappointing. 3 muses out of 9.