I do like the Star Wars films, as I do like a Grand Space Battle (GSB) or three. But, as much as I worship the original trilogy, I still must shamefully admit myself to be a bit more of a Trekkie.
But that is not to say I am always thrilled with the Trek offerings. And soon, another Star Trek film will be hitting the big screens. How to judge such a film, knowing that I will have to see it and my own biases? The most logical way I can think of by comparing them with the Trek films of the past – and luckily, there are 10 of them to allow me to make a fairly comprehensive scale of goodness in a Trek universe.
And so, without further ado, the Star Trek Scale, from 1 to 10, where 1 is the worst Trek film to 10 being the bestest:
1) V The Final Frontier: Unsurprisingly, the scale starts with the odd numbered films. This one, I never really understood, probably because it is rubbish. And I never wanted to go back and try it again. Marshmelons. Bah.
2) IX Insurrection: What is to like about this film, besides the fact it has the TNG cast? There is singing. And dull villains with silly big weapons. And Riker grabs his joystick and pulls a U-ey with the Enterprise E. I would like to say I slept through most of the film, but I think I was too bored to do so.
3) I The Motion Picture: I have a soft spot for this one. It is unbelievably slow and ponderous, and seems to come from the 1960s, with the special effects unfolding at the glacial speed last seen in 2001: A Space Odyssey. Unlike that film though, the Motion Picture is not one that gets deeper with drug use, but the effects themselves are quite gorgeous. New characters are killed off and the pyjama uniforms are gone by the next movie, but there is some kudos in that this brought Trek back.
4) III The Search for Spock: Inaction sequences and metaphysical mumbo-jumbo are saved by the wonderful overacting of Christopher Lloyd as a Klingon commander with a targ up his butt, and a cool self-destruction of the Enterprise.
5) VII Generations: Original and Next Generation casts meet (well, kind of) as the movie torch is passed on to the future. Whoopi Goldberg oozes plot exposition and they blow up another Enterprise. Too much wandering around pondering the nature of one’s choices, but the Enterprise E is beautifully lit, and Picard’s goldfish survive.
6) IV The Voyage Home: Over half way and into the even numbered films. I am never altogether sure about this one. It is “cute”, and all the characters are put to good use, a rarity in films that tend to concentrate only on one or two main characters. Not much happens in it, besides a “save the whales” statement and a feeling that Earth in the 23rd century is a dull, militarised zone with pretty poor defences, but it is… nice.
7) X Nemesis: As mentioned, I like GSBs, so the Enterprise and Warbirds assault at the end is a definite thumbs up in my book. Not even disturbing Troi on Riker scenes and far too much Data melodrama can detract from some pretty explosions with quantum torpedoes all over the place. Plus a beginning with lots of cameos (Whoopi again, Wesley, Janeway) and this feels more like an ending, even if the actual ending threatens a “search for Data” movie.
8) II The Wrath of Khan: After the Motion Picture, the Star Trek franchise needed a saviour, and this was it. Gone were the peacenik overtones and flared pants, and in were the red uniforms and militaristic insignia. Out was the sense of wonder, and in was Ricardo Montalban and his menacing plastic chest. Instead of a potential threat to Earth, the stakes were upped to universal Armageddon, with early computer-generated graphics beautifully rendering the possibilities of the Genesis device. And of course, a GSB of Moby Dick proportions, culminating in a very socialist “needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few” ending. Kirstie Allie plays a logical Vulcan through her tears; Starfleet is obviously spread pretty thin if the Enterprise is the only vessel anywhere near Earth or the Regula system; and Sulu, Uhura and Scotty aren’t given much to do; but the Trek universe became a dangerous place again, where sometimes talk would not solve a problem.
9) VIII First Contact: The Borg are back. Picking up on some threads sewn in the TNG TV series and recasting the communist Collective as a dictatorship, Earth is in peril again and only the Enterprise E crew, through some nifty timetechnobabble, can save the Federation. A GSB starts the proceedings, and then things settle down again into some interesting drama. Picard’s arc is best, with the gorgeous Lily as his conscience and love interest (more Moby Dick too); Data dances with a Borg queen who uses too much oil of Olay; Troi gets drunk; LaForge gets rid of the visor and gets funky blue eyes; Worf shows his mettle by standing up to Picard and not ripping his arm off; Crusher gets to be 2 I C for a bit; and Riker… well, he’s directing. Still don’t get how humans discovering warp drive when the Vulcans had more advanced versions of it all along led to warp drive being a “human” thing, but then I was never a fan of the Enterprise TV series and I couldn’t be bothered finding out. But VIII itself is great.
10) VI The Undiscovered Country: It starts off with a bang (and a shockwave of dubious origin that has been copied often, even making it into the remastered Holy Trilogy), gives the Klingons depth, shows Starfleet is not one big happy benign family, has a bit of humour thrown in as well, climaxes with an okay GSB (with the Enterprise being holed in the hold), has a naff “Kirk knows best” speech, and then ends with a nice “handing on the baton” speech (though of course it didn’t end there, as Kirk came back in VII). All the cast are well used (though some more than others) and Valeris gulps very loudly. No Moby Dick in this one, but the avoiding “lying” jokes are very II, and seem to show the Valeris part was originally intended to be written for Saavik, but that’s not a biggie. Overall, with the age of the cast used as part of the plot about the times changing with the Federation’s relation to the Klingon Empire, and the whole fall of communism timing of the movie’s release too, make for a great story that would be hard to tell and for the audience to relate to without Star Trek’s history. But the fact it’s a great idea told well is the best thing.
Verdict: The Star Trek movie series has definitely had its low and high points. But, where will Star Trek XI fit in the Star Trek Scale? We shall see come the end of 2008…
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